Stay
by Awake and Dreaming 87
Summary: What do you do when the person you love most wants nothing to do with you? For Jackie Burkhart the answer was simple - leave. You can't avoid your past forever though - "Some things are destined to be - it just takes us a couple of tries to get there." J.R. Ward, Lover Mine
1. Prologue

AN: So this is going to be my first multi-chapter story, and my second story ever so I can't make any promises on how this will turn out. I'll do my best, but please be patient.

Prologue

August 1980

One of the reasons Jackie Burkhart fell in love with New York as young girl was the simultaneous sense of anonymity and belonging one feels as soon as they enter the city. While the bustling streets provide a crowd to be lost in for those looking to hide, the diversity among the cities inhabitants allows even the most unique individuals to find refugee with other like-minded people. The only think the city can't promise is the familiarity and quiet of a smaller town.

For Jackie Burkhart New York had become her very own oasis. After years of striving for acceptance amongst her peers, the former-cheerleader now yearned for the possibility to be lost in a crowd – just a face among many. Some would have called this personal growth, but those who knew her best were able to see what it really was.

_They_ had finally succeeded. _They_ had broken her, and unlike the other times when _they _had tried, she wasn't going to fight back. There wasn't any fight left in her. Gone was the bubbly, vivacious girl the world had once known, and in her place was the shell of who she had once been.

In Jackie's mind there was only one solution – to leave Point Place, and all those associated with her time there. It had taken six months of planning and preparations to prepare her for the move; six months of working dead-end jobs, saving for what she had hoped would be a fresh start. Even then, it was not until she had received her acceptance letter from Columbia University did she allow herself to consider her dream a possibility; and, as she prepared her final goodbyes to the people she had once considered her 'family', she couldn't help but fear the reaction of the one who meant the most to her.

_Dear Steven,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. By now you've probably heard that I have moved away from Point Place. No one knows where I'm heading, and I'd prefer to keep it that way for now._

_I know that last time we spoke things didn't go as planned; then again I don't think anything with us has even gone as planned, has it._

_I'm sorry for not saying goodbye to you in person like I had the others. I'm sure you think it was cowardly on my part, and that's ok. The truth is it was, to some extent. I knew that seeing you would only make things harder, if not impossible for me to leave. We both know that if you had asked me to stay, or even given me a glimmer of hope that we could be what we once were, I wouldn't have left – I would have stayed in Point Place, and would have been happy to do so._

_That wouldn't have happened though, would it Steven? No. I didn't think so either._

_Instead I would have come to you hoping for some sort of response – some sign of your feelings for me - and in return all I would have received is an indifferent 'that's cool' or 'whatever'. Despite all your lessons I don't think I would have been 'Zen' enough to hide my feelings towards that._

_At the end of the day, regardless of which way I said goodbye to you, the outcome would have been the same – I would still be leaving. Maybe I would even write you this letter._

_The only change would have been that instead of telling you how much you meant to me, how much I loved you, how much I still care for you, I would be telling you that the past two years were a mistake that I wish I could take back, and I didn't want that._

_What we had was special, it meant so much to me, you meant so much to me; and while the past year has been difficult it never made me love you less. That is why I left without saying goodbye. I didn't want my anger at your response, or lack-there-of to taint my views of you or our time together; and Steven we've been through this situation enough to know how it ends._

_Nonetheless, I can never tell you how much our time together meant to me Steven, and how thankful I am for everything you have given me these past few years. I learned a lot during my time with you – not only about myself, but what I want for my future. I only hope one day that it will include you, even if just as a friend._

_Until that time, please take care of yourself. I wish nothing but the best for you and hope one day everything you hoped for will come true._

_With love_

_Jackie_

At the end of the day however, it didn't matter to Jackie whether Steven read the letter or not, because she wasn't really writing it for him at all. Despite her best efforts, Steven Hyde still occupied a large space in her heart and mind, and the only way she would ever be able to move on, in her opinion, was to close that chapter in her life both literally and figuratively. Moving away from Point Place would only do so much in helping her forget her past – but she would never truly be able to start a life in New York if she was still longing for home. At least that's what Cosmo says.

It's funny how life works though – just when you think you've got everything figured out, it will throw you for a loop.


	2. Let Go

AN: I would like to start off by saying thank you to all those of you who have reviewed. Secondly, sorry for not updating sooner – two family members passed away recently, so it's been a little hectic this past week. I'm not sure when the next update will be – but hopefully I will be able to get something up by next week. Anyway, onto the story

AN2: The spelling/grammatical errors have been corrected, my apologies to those who read when they weren't. That's the last time I try and write a chapter on my phone J

1986

If there was one thing Steven Hyde excelled in, it was dealing with disappointment. As early as he can remember, people have always let him down. One of his earliest memories was listening to his parents arguing in the bedroom over who suffered the most from his presence, while he hid in the bathroom cupboard praying that if he was quiet enough, did well enough in school, was kind enough to the other kids in his class, his parents wouldn't find him. The never-fading bruises on his body were proof enough for Steven that God didn't exist – and if by some miracle he did, he was obviously too busy for boys named Steven Hyde.

As Steven got older, he began to expect the people in his life to someday let him down, whether intentionally or not. If by some miracle they didn't, he found a way to keep them at arms-length anyways; he would rather be without them, then give them the opportunity to hurt him.

That's what he had done with Jackie. It seemed that no matter what he did, what he said though, she never stopped loving him, believing in him. He had even gone so far as marrying another women and yet she still looked at him as though he hung the moon. It wasn't until _that_ night that he managed to convince her that they weren't right for one another, they weren't meant to be, he wasn't the man she thought he was.

He had hoped that after _that_ night he would feel relieved, that his guilt would ebb away knowing that he had gotten what he wanted – Jackie would never want to be with him again. He never took into account his own feelings for her.

Even now, six years later, he still couldn't forget about her. No matter what he did, no matter how many girls he tried to replace her with, he couldn't get her out of his head. When he closed his eyes he could still see her, as though she was standing right in front of him - a smile on her lips, her brown eyes full of life and looking at him as though he were the most important person in her world. Irrespective of which memory it was – whether it was the day of their first kiss, the night he surprised her at her cabin, or any of the other countless times they shared, they always ended the same – the look on her face when she caught _them_.

He didn't think he'd ever forget the look in her eyes _that_ night. The hurt, the disappointment and the resignation that this was who he was now – that _her _Steven was gone, and in his place stood a man she could never love. He had expecting some kind of reaction the night she caught _them_ – a kick to the shins, a few callous words.

He had never expected her to leave.

Even after all this time, he still had trouble accepting that she was gone for good. No matter how much time passed, he still found himself keeping an eye out for her – half expecting her to come bursting through the Foreman's basement, rattling on about Donny Osmond or some new disco-club in Kenosha.

She had kept her promise though, she never returned home – not even for Donna and Eric's wedding. In her place came a card expressing her regret at not being able to attend.

In the beginning he had wanted to hate her for turning her back on him, on all of them – and sometimes he was almost able to. He would convince himself that she was no different than Edna or Bud – leaving him for a better life. On days like that Steven would pull out her letter and bring it to the circle, hoping to share her words with his friends; to mock her cowardice and unwavering devotion to him. It had worked in the beginning – they had all gotten a good laugh at her expense, especially him and Donna. Now the letter was just another reminder of what he had done, what _they_ had all done, and what they had lost as a result.

Steven Hyde was well adept at handling disappointment; he had dealt with it for as long as he could remember. It was a part of the reason Steven refused to get close to people – if you let them in, you give them the chance to leave you behind, to see that maybe you weren't worth their time and affection. Thinking back, Steven could only think of three women he had ever allowed himself to get close to – and two of them had left him, although one had been his fault.

Looking at the woman sleeping next to him, Steven knew that she deserved more from him than what he was giving her – and the only way to do that would be to offer all of himself to her; even if that meant forgetting that small brunette girl he once believed he would spend the rest of his days with.

If only life were that simple.

AN3: Hope you liked this chapter; let me know what you think.

I also want to point out that I never actually finished Season 8 of the show, and I have no intention of watching that season because I did not enjoy the parts I did see. If there are any discrepancies between the story and what actually happened, my apologies.


End file.
